he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
