forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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