Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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