She is in my trunk
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
