Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
