he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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