Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
