I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
