Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
