I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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