she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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