guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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