FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
handjob tips. give me some.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
