he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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