That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
3pm strippers are depressing
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
