I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
