Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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