She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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