You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
