I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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