My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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