just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
