She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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