So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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