He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
