I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
