Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
