he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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