from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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