College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
