I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
