Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
