On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she peed on how many people?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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