hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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