I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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