In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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