Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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