If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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