so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
