Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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