i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Who died my cat blue again?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
