You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
