i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
