i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
