Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
