I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
