Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Randomize
