Will you blow on my dice?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
