After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
