I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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