Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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