D3 body, D1 cock
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
