im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
