uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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