i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
