oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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