My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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