Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
